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Sweet
Posts:3
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| 10/04/2010 1:15 PM |
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| I'm not married and have been reading "For Women Only"...My boyfriend and I of 3years have recently separated and his reasons were: We don't have sex and we text more than we talk on the phone. Initially I was thinking that he had the problem but after I've read half of this book, I'm feeling terribly bad for not even giving him the respect,affirmation,trust and attention that he truly needed from me. I personally don't believe that it's too late for us but I would like to know how to handle the sex issue without having sex. Men need it and I want him to know that I want it too and I respect and charish his desires to be with me. (Up until now I've always pushed him off and been judgemental about controlling himself)....Any Thoughs??? |
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Peace
Posts:13
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| 10/12/2010 8:54 PM |
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Before I begin to answer your question, I have to ask - are you a Christian? Is he? Shaunti wrote the book from a Christian perspective (as you well know, if you're more than halfway through the book!  ) In case you're not, the Christian belief is that sex should be saved solely for marriage. So I believe (though I don't have the book with me at the moment) that this chapter was really directed to married women.
Regardless, the core of my perspective on your dilemma is this: "respect, affirmation, trust, and attention" need to be a two-way street. Certainly, once you're married, it is important to seek to fulfill your spouse's sexual needs. However, while you're still dating, your body is your own. You are under no obligation to share it with anyone, and frankly, no one has a right to try to pressure you into sex. This may sound harsh, but if he wasn't willing to date you without sex, you are better off without him. You deserve a man who is willing to wait for you. Now, if he was also feeling disrespected/lonely/unaffirmed because you texted more than talking, that at least is something you can change. Seek to lift him up in words, and especially in your tone of voice (I've found that if I avoid ever using a patronizing tone and always use a respectful tone instead, it makes a HUGE difference!). But I would strongly advise you not to cave in the least bit regarding sex. You really don't need to do anything to "handle the sex issue" - you were right originally: the problem is his. There is one thing you can do, though: you can pray for him. God can and does change people powerfully, and it may be that God uses you to change his heart. I am praying for you both. |
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Hendo
Posts:5
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| 12/23/2010 8:01 PM |
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"his reasons were: We don't have sex and we text more than we talk on the phone. "
1. if you don't want to have sex, and he won't date you unless you have sex.. don't date him.
2. the texting vice talking: look up the five love languages. basic gist is that there are 5 ways that people express/feel love (quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of sevice, and touch). maybe he's a 'quality time', and he doesn't feel your affection as much via text. (quick ps ~ most guys will hear the 5 love languages and immediately proclaim decide that they are a 'touch'. just b/c he wants sex does not mean he's a 'physical touch'. look for how he shows his affection to his family.)
stay true to what you believe is righteous!!
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